Tuesday, June 8, 2010

1985

I am sitting here at work and it just dawned on me that 1985 was 25 years ago. That is a LONG time! I was in 9th/10th grade, and just starting to be my own person. There were many firsts that year: Concert (U2), school dance, real job (Yesteryears), and so on. I wasn't a "wild" teenager yet. That came the next year! But I was heavily involved in youth group and working at a comic store.

Music was also a huge part of my life that year, so without further ado, here are MY top 10 songs of 1985:

1) Bad-U2
2) Man In Motion (St. Elmo's Fire)-John Parr
3) Alive And Kicking-Simple Minds
4) The Search Is Over-Survivor
5) A Sort Of Homecoming-U2
6) Summer of '60-Bryan Adams
7) Shout-Tears For Fears
8) Head Over Heels-Tears For Fears
9) Take On Me-A-Ha
10) One More Night-Phil Collins

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

New York

October baseball is in full swing. It is looking very likely that it will be a Yankees Vs. Phillies World Series. This has been a dream of mine for 20 years. I was born in NY, moved away for a few years, and then came back when I was in 6th grade. After high school, I moved to Pennsylvania. The Yankees will always be my team, but the Phillies hold the honor of being second on that list.

I can feel the hate brewing already for my beloved Yankees. While the two teams do not have a rivalry as of yet, that will change in the coming weeks. The Yanks have the postseason experience and the stronger bullpen, but Philly has some sweet pitching, so it will be a good series.

I really hope I can get to a game, but I highly doubt it.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Walk On

9/11

Those four key strokes bring back so many memories for so many. For me, it reminds me of the darkest day I have ever known. Full of death, and fear, and tragedy. Any innocence I may have had, any idealistic hope I had for world peace, it died that day. I saw the face of hatred. I felt the fear the word terror brings. We all did. We cried. We prayed. We sat in front of our television sets and watched horror unfold before our eyes. We looked at an empty sky with a mind-numbing feeling of disbelief. We were in shock for weeks after. We knew there wouldn't be many survivors. We wanted to close our eyes and pretend and didn't happen, that people didn't die that day, and yet, we couldn't. We knew.

Every year, on that day, I try to remember it. I firmly believe it should be a national day of mourning. Not a holiday. A holiday is a day of celebration. This day should be a somber day. A day of remembrance. A day of solitude.

I honestly don't think there has been a day since that I haven't thought of it. It still makes me sad and angry. I think about my son, who will be five next week. And how he didn't have to live on that day. He was born more than two and a half years later. For him, it will be a very important chapter in a history book. He will ask me what happened that day, and I will tell him. He will ask why, and whose fault it was. And I really don't know what I will tell him. You can blame Al Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden. You can blame the agencies that could have prevented it had they simply communicated with each other. But at the end of the day, what will that change? What happened, happened.

I think about the jumpers from time to time. And that painful choice they must have had. Die of fire and smoke or leap to certain death. For those who chose to look in pictures and on tv, those images will stay with us forever. I was raised Catholic. To me, suicide is not an option under any circumstances. But what do you call that choice? You know you are going to die. You won't be saved. What do you do? I pray to God no one ever has to make that choice again.

Since that fateful day, the world has become a chaotic place. It has always been that way, but the mask was torn off that day. What we hoped and prayed wasn't the case turned out to be very real. Wars have been fought, greed has elevated, and the world's economy is the worst since the pre World War II years. I believe what we are looking at is evil run rampant. There is no black and white, or even gray areas. It is what it is and it is called chaos.

In the coming years, we will negotiate with fundementalists who destroy lives. We will see the seeds of greed in our own homes, as the economic meltdown gets worse and every single household is affected. We will see uglier terroristic attacks and somewhere someone will die because of it. We will see the world reject us more and more as our environment is changed in ways we never imagined or in ways we didn't want to see. We will see areas of the world once vibrant with life turned into desserts.

And yet, we will survive. We will do what we did in those days and weeks after 9/11. We will pick up the pieces of our shattered lives, and look for hope. I pray we will unite and conquer these problems together. Not by electing someone to lead us, but by truly coming together and defeating the evils that plague us. We need to stop blaming others for the shape of the world and form new shapes. We need to recognize that what someone believes in isn't always wrong, but their own point of view. We need to walk on.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Sometime Around Midnight

The other day I heard this really awesome song. I didn't know who sang it or what the name of it was. In my youth, I wouldn't have found out for a long time. Now I can just go to the radio station's website, look at a list of the last few songs played, and figure it out. So the song was "Sometime Around Midnight" by a band called Airborn Toxic Event. It reminded me of a mix between U2 and Bauhaus! In the song a guy goes to a bar, finds a woman who plays with his head, and then leaves with another guy.

I love songs that tell stories. Song lyrics can say so many different things, but ones that tell stories are my favorites. Songs like "American Pie" or "November Rain" or "A Day In The Life". They all tell a story. And they all involve some aspect of life.

I know I said I was going to blog every day. Obviously that has been shot to hell! It's been a weird couple of weeks. Work has been insane, and the weather has been crazy (for Delaware that is). I also joined the local Y and have been making pitiful attempts at exercising (once again, blame Mother Nature). But hey, that's life!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Pride (In The Name Of Love)

Today, America celebrated the inauguration of the first African-American President. Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States of America. 2 million people attended, including my brother. I wasn't up for freezing and being surrounded by that many people. But this is a huge deal for America. While Obama and I don't exactly share some of the same politics, I believe his heart is in the right place for America. I don't think any acting president will ever fulfill anyone's desires. But America definitely needs change right now, and Obama seems to be the answer. The true test will come tomorrow, when the party is over, and he has to lead our country out of the worst economy since the Great Depression. What Obama will hopefully do is cause the fear to be replaced by hope.

Working in commercial collections, I deal with many customers who say they will pay when the economy gets better. I tell them to just give up now because the only way the economy will get better is when people believe it will. When they put their faith back in America. So much of what is going on is driven by fear. Granted, banks holding money the way they are certainly isn't helping. A magic button is not going to come on stating the economy is better now. I think Americans have gotten used to band aids. Well, this is a gaping wound bleeding profusely right now, and a band aid will not cure these ills. But hope will certainly be a good start.

I imagine a lot of civil rights leaders are very happy today. I know Martin Luther King was probably watching Washington D.C. today, grinning from ear to ear. His dreams of racial harmony are no longer a dream. It is reality. Now we all need to get past that aspect of things and work together. We all have a lot of work to do. We can celebrate again when America is standing on it's own two feet, leading the world in change and liberty. But after the party dies down tonight, let's show the world what America is made of!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Prisoner


Today, one of my all-time favorite actors has died. Patrick McGoohan was the star of the 1967 TV series, The Prisoner. It ran for one season for 17 episodes. The Prisoner was a daring show that changed the face of television. For the younger generations, you may remember him as King Edward the Longshanks in Braveheart. He was an actor ahead of his time when The Prisoner aired. He lived a long life, dying at the ripe old age of 80. Rest in peace Number 6.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

See The Lights

I have always been curious about out-of-body experiences, or as some put it, OOBEs. Most people know this from hearing a story about someone in a hospital, dying, or they do die, and they float out of their body and see a bright light. For some reason, something drags them back into their bodies and they feel different after that. Some doctors have notes that there is a change in mass when someone has an OOBE and the person loses 6 ounces. No one can really explain this with any definitive conclusion.

But there are stories of another kind of OOBE. One that someone can create. I have read up on this and found that most of them occur when a person is going to bed, they relax to a state of 100% relaxation, and they claim they can lift their aura or soul out of their body. Or what they call their astral self. They claim it takes a lot of practice to be able to do it successfully, and it can take years. Skeptics claim this type of thing can happen in what is called the hypnagognic state. This is the stage between awake and alert. That is why these moments are remembered so vividly. I won't pretend to know who is right and who is wrong. All I can talk about is my own experience.

In August of 1994, I was at a crossroads in life. I had just graduated college, and I really had no clue how to proceed with my life. I was single, living with my parents, and I worked at a comicbook store. There were still pieces of my past that I hadn't come to terms with. One Sunday night, after some severe thunderstorms, I was reading until about 2am in the morning. I was just sitting in my bed, relaxing. Not asleep, but past the stage of tired where you are in a state of complete exhaustion. Now keep in mind, I had never read about any of the above stuff at all prior to this evening. As I was laying there, I felt myself lift up out of my body. I felt heavy and then light, and I heard what can only be described as a popping sound, like taking a cork out of a bottle. I remember floating in my room but not with vision like we see it. It was like I could see all over the room all at once. I began to drift, through what seemed like stars. I let myself do this for a while. I could soon see the planet earth. And it looked beautiful. Then I saw something that still horrifies me to this day. A creature was sitting on earth, laughing. It felt like all of the planet was engulfed in this evil. It said something and I have never remembered it, even to this day. I became terrified and tried to get back to my body, but I couldn't. It was like I was floating aimlessly, with no control whatsoever. It reached a point where I could see my body but I couldn't get back into it. I was starting to panic and I became afraid I would be lost forever. Then I started to see faces from my life. And one in particular shone the brightest. I focused on that face. The person was smiling at me and I found peace. This was one of those unresolved pieces of my past I was speaking of, and it involved forgiveness. I had to forgive myself for wrongs I had made in the past. All of this happened at that moment. I soon found myself rising up in my bed and I just stared at the dark walls for about five minutes, in shock.

Was it a dream? It felt way too real to be a dream, and I had control over it. Usually dreams are all over the place, and you can't focus. It is like the dream controls you. This did that, but I was able to bring myself to a place where the things I had tortured myself for years simply didn't matter any more. I still can't figure out what the creature was about. Maybe it represented my guilt, and how it was controlling my world. I recognized it was a part of me, and always would be. But for me to go forward, I had to move past the past, and see a bright shining light called the future.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Subculture

I mentioned in an earlier post that I lived in Sweden and one of my jobs was washing dishes at a restaurant. Well, if you were going to do a job like that, you might as well do it in one of coolest restaurant/pubs in Stockholm. The joint was called Bistro Boheme. The owners were a Czechoslavakian family. The father had passed years before I started working there. The mother, Ivana, couldn't speak Swedish very well and couldn't speak any English, but yet we got along very well. Her son Jakub pretty much ran the place, and his sister Marketa was one of the bartenders. Playing the coolest music at night, and the best lunches in the daytime, Bistro was the trendiest spot in the city.

I walked right in, told them I needed a job, and I was hired. Maybe they thought having an American there would be good! I only worked weekday lunches and a few nights a week, but I loved it. Sure, the actual work sucked, but I got along with everyone, and I actually learned a lot of my Swedish working there. After my shift ended during the day, I would always relax with a good book and some coffee. After a while, I noticed a lot of the regulars would play Backgammon at the bar. I slowly joined in, and then learned the secrets of the game watching them. Before I knew it, I was playing for cigarettes. I didn't have to pay $7.00 a pack for a long time!

The nights were totally different. Once the dinner crowd left, the place lit up like the 4th of July. Stockholm on the weekends is a huge party city. Clubs are open as late as they want to. The Bistro closed at 2am. Afterwards, my friends from work and I would just sit at the bar drinking Pilsner till it had it's affect. Just sitting there, smoking, eating, talking, laughing, telling jokes, making fun of my Swedish. They were great times. Sometimes we would hit the other clubs in the city. Most of what I learned about Sweden, I learned there. All the dark secrets of the city you can't read in a happy tour guide. The underpinnings of a Socialist society and why they prefer it that way.

When I left Sweden about a year after I had that job, my friends were sad but they understood why I had to leave. I came back a couple years later to visit those friends, and had a great time for a week straight. I spent more time at the Bistro, and fell back in the routine of Backgammon, coffee, cigarettes, drinking and laughing. I haven't been back since, and chances are I won't for a good long while. But maybe one day I can return to the place and it will still have that same atmosphere.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Game

Okay, all my blog titles are names of songs. Including this one. The first person to email me who sings each of these songs wins nothing!

Time

I have always been fascinated with the concept of time travel. I don't believe it will ever be more than the whims of science fiction writers, but just imagine the possibilities. You can really give yourself a headache if you think too much about it. For example, what happens if you go back in time and do something with your father and as a result you were never born. Then how could you go back in time to begin with if you don't exist? This is called a paradox. Some scientists think that a paradox cannot occur. What they believe happens is the birth of an alternate universe. One that exists parallel to ours.

Imagine this reality, if you will. Where anything can truly happen. Sworn enemies could be best friends. War torn countries could live in peace. You wind up in love with someone else. Where you were weak in one reality, you could be stronger in another.

Would God allow something like this to exist? I have no idea. I guess that's up to God. If he did, well he created it.

I have a paradox of my own. I wouldn't want to change anything in my life up to March 2004. Because that is when my son Jacob was born. Anything I changed could result in him not being here, and that would create a hole in my heart that could never be filled. Sure, I would love to change the time he bit me through the shower curtain on the lip. That hurt like a bitch! Or the time he hit me in the head with a handheld mirror. That didn't exactly tickle. But even those moments, they are a part of him and I would hate to steal anything from him. His smile is the light of my world, and nothing can ever change that.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

State Of The Nation

Okay, as promised, here is my two cents on the whole Israel-Palestinian thing. Just stop! Seriously, how long has this thing dragged on? How many innocent people have to die? I don't know what the solution is. But whenever you put two major religions on the same plot of land and say "Live in harmony", you know there is going to be some serious issues. The fact that modern-day Israel even exists is practically a miracle. Truman was very close to not recognizing Israel's right to exist as a country. Had that happened, the world would be a very different place. Which came first? Palestine? Israel? At this point, I don't care. Just work it out. Stop bombing each other, quit sending rockets, quit with the whole settlement villages, just stop! Israel is currently in attack mode, and those cats won't quit till they get what they want, which is to utterly annihilate Hamas. And I'm sure that will give those Al Qaeda boys something to get riled up. It will be a mess for the United States as long as we keep getting so much oil from over there. Give peace a chance!

Friday, January 9, 2009

I Smell Winter

Freewrite night. Work sucked today. It was one of those days where I was unable to reach anyone and the day just dragged on and on. I'm watching Righteous Kill with Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino. It is a very boring movie. Otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here typing. It's supposed to snow this weekend. Not sure how much, or if any, Delaware will get. It's definitely cold enough. I will write more tomorrow. I'm running out of juice tonight!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Pictures Of You

I joined Facebook last August, and I have found people from pretty much every stage of my life. From when I was a little boy living in Roanoke, Virginia. From when I was a teenager in South Salem, NY. High school days at John Jay High School and Ridgefield, Connecticut. Community College days from Newtown, Pennsylvania. Cabrini College days from Radnor, Pennsylvania. My time in Sweden. Back to Pennsylvania again. The years I lived in Southern California. People from where I now live in Delaware. Celebrities, artists, writers.

I love Facebook! You can see who got married, who didn't, who has kids, who wishes they didn't! I have seen faces I haven't seen in years. I've seen pictures of me that I never knew existed. I've shown the world some of my own pictures, and shown off my wife and son. The best part is how truly good I have found people to be. We all have preconceived notions of people from our past. I am glad to find out how wrong I was about so many people.

I read this crazy theory not too long ago, and I don't really believe it, but it posited that people are truly becoming global, and how connected we are. With Facebook, this is very true. It is like a time warp, as I recently explained to someone. In a keystroke, I can be back in 1986, or 1979, or 1995 or whenever. I can be back in the present day. It is truly amazing. I would have never dreamed of this kind of technology even ten years ago.

I remember having a debate with my oldest brother Chris back in 1994 over the internet. I was young and idealistic, and I told him the internet won't change anything. I explained how it would take away privacy and people would rebel against it. I have never been more happy to say I was wrong.

I am always surprised when I see someone's name pop up for a friend request. It's not that I forgot about that person. I never forget anyone or anything. But they aren't in the front of my head. It's great to see how people's lives have changed over the years, or where they wound up. Others seem to stay where they have always been, and that's good too.

Being a father for four and a half years, I can see from others' daily status updates that I'm not the only one who has bad days and I'm ready to pull my hair out. For so many of us, we have gone from young rebelious teenagers to caring parents.

I know I'm rambling on here, but I feel truly blessed to have Facebook in my life, and every single person on my friend's list. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Still to come: my thoughts on Israel-Hamas, a little thing called Hosha, the Orchard House, and the catwalk!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Same Moon

In 1996 and 1997, I lived in a suburb of Stockholm, in the fair land of Sweden. I had the great fortune of having two different jobs at the time, when unemployment was 14%. I got to wash dishes at a restaurant and clean hotel rooms. It was a sobering experience to say the least! But I did learn many things about Swedes and the Swedish culture, so without further ado, here are some of the greatest.

1) Swedes do love Abba, and the members of the group are almost the same as royalty over there.

2) Not every Swedish woman has blonde hair and blue eyes.

3) They do love to drink, pretty much anything with alcohol. But they put something in the hard stuff that forces you to throw up if you have too much. It is nicknamed "Pukemedel" which stands for "Puke medicine". They don't put that in the Fodor guides!

4) They don't call it Sweden. It is called Sverige (pronounced Svar-e-ya)

5) The Swedish word for drunk is "ful", which is pronounced as full.

6) The best part of Stockholm is "Gamla Stan" which translates to "Old Town". Some of the coolest buildings in Europe are right there!

7) If you ever go to the central square in Stockholm you may see the old lady playing her piano for money.

8) There is a word in Swedish that only exists in one other language, Japanese, which is "logom" which means the same. The context is that all the people are the same.

9) Polar bears and naked people do not run amok in the streets.

10) Even in the height of summer, the water is freezing to swim in!

11) The sun rises at about 2am and sets at 11pm at Midsummer. You can count on about 4-5 hours of daylight during Midwinter.

12) Deer meat tastes the best in Sweden.

13) Everyone there speaks English, except where you really need it: the hospital, the post office, banks, the unemployment office...

14) You have to pay a yearly fee to have a television set in your house.

15) There is a hotel in the upper section of the country that is only open in the winter, and it is made out of ice.

16) When I lived there, the conversion rate was about 7 Swedish Krowns for 1 U.S. Dollar. But everything there has a 25% value added tax to it. So a pack of cigarettes cost about six dollars when I was there, and a good beer at a pub cost about seven bucks. And a happy meal at McDonalds was about five dollars.

17) On the Baltic Sea, east of Stockholm, you can go to hundreds of different islands in the Swedish archipelago.

18) Sweden is one of the top countries in Europe that takes in refugees from troubled lands.

19) Most Swedes get paid on the 25th of each month. Good luck going to a bank that day! Or the liquor store!

20) Like America, the country is riddled with different accents. Very confusing if you are trying to learn the language!

But at heart, Swedes are the same as anyone else, and yearn for the same things we all want: love, home, and happiness! Were all looking at the same moon anyways!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Ocean's Apart

In September of 2004, a new show debuted on ABC called Lost. I was intrigued by the concept of the show: a plane crashes on an island and the survivors must learn to live together. That was all I knew about it. This was no reality show, it was pure fiction. The lead character, Jack Sheperd, was originally slated to be killed in the pilot, but luckily the producers changed their minds on that. I recognised the actor playing Jack immediatly. It was Matthew Fox, of Party Of Five fame. For some reason I loved that show when it was on from 1994 to 2000. Another lead on Lost was Dominic Monahan, he of Lord of the Rings fame. He played Pippen, one of the four main hobbits in the trilogy.

The two hour pilot showed Jack waking up in the middle of the jungle, and a dog sniffed him while he gained consciousness. He ran to a beach, where chaos surrounded him. The plane had crashed on an island and survivors were running around in circles. Jack, a doctor, quickly started helping people. Some were wounded, some were dying, and some had no clue what to do. The characters slowly introduced themselves: Kate, a beautiful woman with a shocking story. Sayid, an Iraqi torturer. Charlie, the heroin addicted rock star. Sawyer, the conniving con man. Locke, an enigmatic hunter. Hurley, an extremely overweight nice guy. Sun and Jin, the Korean couple that can't speak English. Michael, and his son Walt: recently reunited and they don't get along to well. Claire, the Australian pregnant woman. Boone and Shannon, step siblings that can't stand each other. They quickly realise they are not alone on the island. To tell more would ruin the show. Flashbacks, or centric episodes, reveal the characters pasts. And some of them are connected in odd ways. If you have never seen this show, you need to watch it. The first four seasons are available on DVD, and the fifth starts in 15 days.

I love this show. There truly has never been anything like this on TV before. You can draw comparisons from certain parts of the show. But when you put all the pieces together, it is unique. The fanbase for the show makes Trekkies look like a small group. Mysteries are introduced in every episode. Some have been revealed while others haven't. What you think you know can quickly be turned around or scattered throughout the heavens. I am certifiably hooked on Lost. It will only have six seasons, so the creators will be able to see their vision from start to finish. A show with a planned ending is always better than one that just drags on till the stars quit or the ratings fizzle.

So do yourself a favor, take some time, watch this show from the beginning. All the episodes are available on ABC's website if you have high speed internet. Get Lost, and see if you can figure it out. I have on many occasions, only to be wrong the very next week!

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Long Road

Someone very close to me is going through something right now where they are essentially giving up on life. It has made me very sad and definitely put a damper on my holidays. She is someone I am close with, or at least I was, until she started her downward spiral sometime ago. She is very sick, physically and emotionally, but she doesn't have to be. I have tried to understand how she could let herself get to this point. But I can't.

Many years ago, I was told a phrase called "Pass It On". I was heavily involved with my church during my teenage years, and they had a program called Emmaus. Basically they would take 40 teenagers on a retreat that was filled with unconditional love. The people who worked the weekend were adults and other teens who had been on the weekend before. The basic message was to take God's love and pass it on. To say this weekend changed my life would be an understatement. While I haven't lived anywhere close to that ideal, I believe it prevented me from taking darker paths throughout my lifetime.

The woman I spoke of earlier has saved my own life on many occasions. I feel I owe her my feelings and my love, and for her to know from me that she has a fighting chance. I don't feel enough is being done by others in this regard. Someone needs to give her very tough love, and I feel that it must be me. I need to pass it on.